☼I know I'm going to be free☼

Life, vol.1

"- Guess who's coming to the party?, pulling his hair back.
- Who?, looking at the ground".
I supposed she was going to show up to one of her best friend's birthday, but at that moment of the night I wasn't thinking about it and not even thinking he might care. But I do have to admit the fact that somehow I knew it was going to be ackward and eventually that situation was going to happen.

I was ready, because honestly even though lots of images of what they might shared got into my mind, I did know her from before and used to be "friends" with her. So I kind of predicted what was going to happen then. "- Hey! How are you? How's med school? How much you got left? Wow, your hair is long!", and a bunch of things she always ask me everytime we meet.

The funny thing about it is, while I was answering to all of her questions she just couldn't help looking at him, wich it's ok by me, but at some point of her view she fixed her eye on his belly...hehehehe yeah, he has gained some weight since they were together, he has larger hair and a bigger smile as well. I laughed inside, because knowing her way, she probably was aware of his change and I imagined her talking about it, the look on her face and her gestures.

I noticed he was feeling weird, i know him too well. But i guess anyone would felt the same on that situation, and after all it wasn't so bad as it could have been. I'll never know what was on his mind, all I know is I'm proud of being the one next to him today.

Filling myself in

Sometimes it feels so hard to say what I have in mind, it always stresses me everytime I want to let others know what I'm thinking. I know my thoughts are not the most interesting or maybe not so wonderful, but they're mine. Having them rolling around my brain all night and most of the day is not easy. No wonder my eternal headaches and nightmares.

The point is for me communication turns kind of deficient. I'm handicapped, mentally. Eveyone who knows me knows it. But only a few understand me. See, the ironic part of all of this is the fact that after all my dificulties to say what I need to say, I'm a talkative person. I guess because I need to let things runs out of me for good, because they're too many, and every second I delivery a new one, and by the end of the day I'M FULL OF THINGS... or maybe just Shit.

I'm writing because it's easier, and I feel ashamed of thinking this much, because it's not normal, it's not ok. It makes me sick. I feel sick. Sometimes I think (as usual) there's people with more problems and reasons to think than me, but it doesn't matter how much I would like that to mend me, I'm still thinking.

Desperate, dissapointed, disillusioned. I don't know what else to think, all I know is I'm still on it.


"Some days I feel broke inside
but I won't admit" Christina Aguilera

Disappointment

the most undiserable feeling, the one i always go through
no matter how much i´ve changed, still comes anyways
slowly getting into my head, like a pill doing its effect
my heart stops for a minute, my hands get weak and lame
i shouldn´t expect as much as i do, ´cause it´s not ok
this is hurting me so bad...why is i trust people like them?

and here i come again...

4m

My days next to you, my love, are carefully kept here in my heart. Our love is my treassure and i'm proud of who we are when we're together. We've overcome so many things in our shorts lifes, and for that, days like today it's our time to celebrate. Because for me, somehow being with you gives me hope, makes me feel save and warm, and makes me the happiest person alive. And I love you for that and I love you for more than that. Thank you for being who you are, for being one of the reasons of my life.

Happy Anniversary, my superstar teddy panda!!! <3

¿Por qué escribir?

"La palabra tiene una fuerza tan poderosa que es capaz, por sí sola, de cambiar la vida. Desde que aprendemos a hablar nos llenamos de poder, de pasión, de intenciones y de propósitos. Y si la palabra da poder, entonces ¿por qué no escribirla?" Ligia Minaya

Escribo para liberar mi alma, desahogar mi mente, abrir mi corazón, compartir mis ideas, exponer mis intereses. Escribo porque la mayoría de las veces callo, porque son demasiados pensamientos; escribo porque quiero ser comprendida, porque no basta con pensar, porque es más fácil de expresar, porque a veces se puede escuchar mal.
Escribo sin cohibir alguna emoción, sin extrañar algún sentimiento, sin olvidar quién soy. Porque me da libertad, me da poder, me da valor, me da vida. Escribo porque escribiendo soy yo misma, porque si escribo soy inmortal.

Y tú ¿por qué escribes?

No longer empty

And for some reason i just knew,
how come so much pain could make me other,
could convert who i thought i was?
It took so many moments wich now seem nothing.
No more of those memories hold me back to my other,
the one was buried long time ago. So deep...
It felt so empty, just nothing.
But not for so long, because after all had it´s purpose.
How come so much pain doesn´t mean anything?
Must learn something from.
And at that exact moment i just knew. Someone new has grown,
someone totally different of the other i thought i was.
Now it´s not as cold as once felt,
before never was as bright as now it is.
´Cause you gave me hope, you knew how to push me at first.
That, i call trust.
Needed to be understanded, and most of all,
to be loved for who this other I became.
Maybe i´m not sure yet, but i do know it´s more than trust.
And for now it´s great to feel like this.
Even though i got harder,
you seem to know how to smooth this rock inside of me.
Makes me be afraid, i just wish not to be another game.
´Cause it feels too real for a game...